one step at a time

Running made my like my body.
Spraining my ankle taught me how to respect it,
not push it too hard.
it took my 5h 38 mn and 40 seconds to cross
the finish line of the NYC Marathon... I couldn’t have done it on only 600 calories a day!

In a big, joyful ceremony
I buried my disease, crying a lot of tear
For the pain I went through during four long years.
The cast was deep and white,
Filled with baby size shirts now too tight,
Recipes of fat free cooking,
A bottle of whiskey - for my Dad’s drinking.

A Gospel choir sang Gloria,
As I said bye to Anorexia.
closing the cast to be incinerated
“ I hope you rot in Hell!” I yelled.

And I watch it burn into ashes,
I then picked up and threw in the trash.

Facts

The information on this page was taken from the National Eating Disorders Screening Program Newsletter (February, 1996). The Newsletter was sponsored by The Renfrew Center (Philadelphia and Florida) and was published by the Massachusetts Eating Disorder Association, Inc., a national nonprofit corporation.


Anorexia Nervosa is a disorder in which preoccupation with dieting and thinness leads to excessive weight loss. The individual may not acknowledge that weight loss or restricted eating is a problem. One percent of teenage girls in the U.S. develop anorexia nervosa and up to 10 percent may die as a result.

Anorexia Danger Signals:
    •    losing a significant amount of weight
    •    continuing to diet (although thin)
    •    feeling fat, even after losing weight
    •    fearing weight gain
    •    losing monthly menstrual periods
    •    preoccupation with food, calories, nutrition and/or cooking
    •    exercising compulsively
    •    bingeing and purging
Physical complications:
    •    hair loss
    •    gaunt, hollow facial features
    •    shrunken breasts
    •    dry skin
    •    bruises
    •    sharply protruding bones
    •    cold and blue hands and feet
    •    delayed puberty: pre-adolescent females fail to menstruate and develop breasts at normal age; in males, testosterone levels might remain low, leading to impotence
    •    menstruation: hormone levels drop, alerting the body that it cannot support a fetus; menstruation becomes irregular or stops completely – can result in temporary or permanent infertility
    •    permanent bone loss: susceptibility to stress fractures and osteoporosis
    •    mood changes: impatience, irritability, depression, suicidal tendencies
    •    insomnia, constipation, sensitivity to cold, kidney failure, abnormally low heart rate and blood pressure

Introduction

There once was a girl
Named Karen Carpenter
Who sang many songs
With beautiful words
As people watch her hurt
And treat herself like dirt
Because she was ashamed to ask for help.

And then there was a hush....

There once was a woman
Known as Lady DI
No one paid attention
To her desperate cry
No one cared
When she threw up food
Because she thought she was no good.

And then there was a crash....


There once was a Frenchie
A girl called Sophie
Who also chose
To be an anorectic
To starve and not eat
Over excise and not sleep
Because se didn't know another way to stay sane.

And then there was her poetry...

Blame, Blame, Blame

Don’t you dare
Point your finger
At my family
Judge them guilty
For not seeing
What was happening to me.

Nor say it’s society
Not speaking a word
As women of Hollywood
Pecking at their food
-Just like little birds-
Get known as the lollipop girls.

And don’t try to tell me
I should be ashamed,
I am the one to blame
For being good at hiding,
Not showing I was skinny,
And stopping myself from eating.

Because if you dared
You’d have to say
Why you looked the other way
Not meeting my eyes (they belonged to a dead)
Hoping someone would care
Explain what was going on in my head.

Anorexia

The nights are always the same:
Filled with hunger and shame,
Tears wetting the soft cotton sheets:
You are starving but you will not eat.

People don’t realize it makes you feel good:
You think you have power because you control your food.
Yet, some nights, it will drive you insane:
Because you cannot get rid of the pain.

But no matter what you will not eat, scared of the calories:
They will bring life you don’t want to give to your body.
And you are scared that if you take one bite
It will mean the end: you’d have lost the fight.

The nights are always the same,
You lie awake in bed and you cry,
Because you are fully aware
That you are letting yourself die.

Recovary: Day 1

Is a leap of faith

BFF

I’ve known you for quite some time now,
You are my friend and have never let me down.
You share my secrets and my fears,
And you always know how to dry my tears.

You make me feel safe
In this world I’m too scared to face.
Through your eyes I see myself pretty,
And all this time, it was you who were killing me?

I am anorectic, You? Food.
And know I want you out for good.
But it brakes my heart to say goodbye,
I love you but if you stay, I’m the one who will have to die.